yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
