There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
