in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
