Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
