we're chasing vodka with high fives
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
