I'm gonna have a badass scar
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
