it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
