The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
