He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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