Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
