i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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