omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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