please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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