Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
