I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
