so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
