i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
