I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
