my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
