I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
