so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
