How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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