Did you just see the Batmobile???
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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