Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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