Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
