never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this boner is exhausting
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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