Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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