Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
