Kiss
Puke
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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