Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
