I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
