Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
