i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
