One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
