If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
