If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
