we have pet lesbian snakes
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
