Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
