I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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