69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
