i think my mom watched the whole time
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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