If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
