He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
