In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
