THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
