she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
