So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
