did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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