You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
