I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How does one acquire holy water?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
